I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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