dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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