i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
