Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
