I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
