Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
