I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
