I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
