I'm going to jail i love you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
