SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
