How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
