I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
