Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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