70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
