you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
