What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
