yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
