I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
