How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
