I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
