i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Randomize
