We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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