he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
