no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
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He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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