new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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