Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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