I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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