Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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