Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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