WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
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she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
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Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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