It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
