pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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