He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So much Jack, so little girl.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
