Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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