I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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