Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
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Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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