she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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