My liver just broke up with me...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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