Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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