You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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