I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
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