Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
areolas are like halos for boobs.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
