Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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