I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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