you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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