problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
