I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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