Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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