im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
bring money and cleavage
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
