brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
