It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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