If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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