Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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