SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We had sex on a dog bed..
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize