What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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