So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
