We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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