So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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