I didn't shave. On purpose
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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