She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Are we still banned from the library?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
